There has been a void in my life.
Although I deny it, there really is. Why can't I look at a guy as a friend? I've been desperately searching for something. But I was mistaken. As I look around, I can't concentrate. There's something else I need. Even if I find him, it will only cause more drama or 'doki doki sa'. I don't like that. Right now, it's probably only like that because I'm nervous about what my parents will do or what they will think. Even though I say I don't care... Apparently, I do. Why can't I be more honest? To everyone else.. but most importantly, I've been lying to myself.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
.:my creed:.
For three days, I attempted to become a better self. Throughout my experience, I have discovered some methods which worked very well; but some have not been as helpful as I hoped they would be. Since I am a student, this may be more relevant to people like me, a high school student. Some of the rules I have set for myself can in fact only be applied to a student. However, it is possible to slightly change the rules to make them apply to you; without altering the purpose. In general, I write this for people who are not very organized and want to manage their time more wisely and be less tired during the day. I hope to show how much more fulfilling one’s day can be by making some changes in their daily life.
As I was thinking of ways to improve my life, I first thought about the parts of my life which I disliked. I found that I was always tired during the day and I had a hard time paying attention to things that were going on. As I thought about why I was always so tired, I came to see that it was because I would spend the night working on my homework or something of that sort which I needed to complete before I went to sleep that night. I came to the conclusion that I had to start spending my time during the day more wisely so I wouldn't be trying to cram it all in at night. I was wasting a lot of my time doing useless things when I could have been doing something which could benefit me, as well as others. Besides giving myself more time during the day doing things that are required of me, I thought of ways to do things which will help me live a more fulfilling life.
Managing my time better was the main purpose of this experiment at first but I gradually moved forward from that. I wanted to stop wasting time doing useless things and make time for the things I have to do, as well as things which give me a sense of accomplishment. I was determined to live a more fulfilling life by completing tasks to the fullest of my ability and by using my time more wisely.
Whenever I dislike something or do not enjoy it, I am usually complaining. I have noticed that in doing this, I become more negative and the result of my negativity is reflected in the task. This interferes with the main purpose of why I am doing this. Therefore, I decided to avoid saying 'I'm bored' or 'I hate this'. Because some people in society do not follow this rule, they are often times grumpy and are always talking about how much they dislike things. This is not a good use of their time. Throughout the day, whenever I was unhappy about something, I stopped myself from complaining. I even avoided some of my friends whom I often find myself complaining to. On this first day I decided to start my experiment, we were starting a new unit in math class. We were going to learn one of my least favorite things we learn in that class. However, I stopped myself from complaining to anyone about it. In doing this, I was able to pay attention in class and actually learn how to solve the problems. Because I was not wasting time thinking about how much I hated this, I was able to find a easier way to complete the task. When people complain, they start to think more negatively about it and it becomes even more difficult to finish. Why waste time complaining when it holds you back from achievement? By not complaining, I was able to see how much more I could get from life.
In everyday life, there are times when we just don't get enough sleep. Whether we are finishing up something at the last minute or we want to watch just one more episode of a TV show, when we don't manage our time well, we don't get enough sleep. We are not getting our day off to a good start. In order to be attentive and energized during the day, I must sleep at least seven hours each night. Since I have to wake up at six in the morning to get to school on time, I will have to sleep by eleven. When people fail to manage their time wisely, they are tired and it hinders them from doing their best. They become as productive as a hibernating bear. This rule was a difficult rule for me to follow because there was always something which I wanted to do instead of going to sleep. However, because of this experiment, I did make myself sleep longer than I normally would have. Although I got more sleep, this did not seem to have much effect on me. I did not feel different or more energized than normal. It might have been because I could not strictly abide by this rule but for me, it did not turn out the way I expected it to. Though I am still skeptical as to if this is true for everyone, I have come to the conclusion that the amount of sleep I get does not greatly effect my performance throughout the day.
One of the main things I'm always struggling to finish is homework. I would pay a million dollars if homework could be optional. Homework is something required of me if I want to learn and do well in a class. When I don't do my homework until the last minute, the quality is usually not very good and I don't get a good grade. Also, when I am rushing, I am not learning as much. When that happens, I am not living life to the highest potential. So, to manage time better, I decided to start my homework as soon as I got home. If I start as soon as possible, I will have the maximum amount of time to work on it. When I set out to follow this, I came across a few obstacles. When I came home, my siblings were watching TV and it was very hard to concentrate on the homework. But, I went to the bookstore and I was able to concentrate on and complete my homework there. It really did not take as long as I thought it would have. I really benefited from this because I no longer had the stress of having to complete something in a short amount of time. Also, I was able to understand the content of what I was doing better.
Along with time management, I wanted to try new things which would help me fulfill my purpose. Clubs are a good way I can be involved in school activities and it will give me something to do. Therefore, I decided to go to clubs I had never gone to before. In helping out with clubs, I could feel a sense of accomplishment. I joined several different clubs in which my friends were a part of and I went to some meetings of other clubs as well. For one of the clubs I joined, it seemed like they had their work all cut out for them and it looked like I could do a lot to help out. But, because of the limited time of this experiment, I was unable to uncover their full effects. I will continue to be active in these clubs to see if my predictions were correct.
From these three days,
As I was thinking of ways to improve my life, I first thought about the parts of my life which I disliked. I found that I was always tired during the day and I had a hard time paying attention to things that were going on. As I thought about why I was always so tired, I came to see that it was because I would spend the night working on my homework or something of that sort which I needed to complete before I went to sleep that night. I came to the conclusion that I had to start spending my time during the day more wisely so I wouldn't be trying to cram it all in at night. I was wasting a lot of my time doing useless things when I could have been doing something which could benefit me, as well as others. Besides giving myself more time during the day doing things that are required of me, I thought of ways to do things which will help me live a more fulfilling life.
Managing my time better was the main purpose of this experiment at first but I gradually moved forward from that. I wanted to stop wasting time doing useless things and make time for the things I have to do, as well as things which give me a sense of accomplishment. I was determined to live a more fulfilling life by completing tasks to the fullest of my ability and by using my time more wisely.
Whenever I dislike something or do not enjoy it, I am usually complaining. I have noticed that in doing this, I become more negative and the result of my negativity is reflected in the task. This interferes with the main purpose of why I am doing this. Therefore, I decided to avoid saying 'I'm bored' or 'I hate this'. Because some people in society do not follow this rule, they are often times grumpy and are always talking about how much they dislike things. This is not a good use of their time. Throughout the day, whenever I was unhappy about something, I stopped myself from complaining. I even avoided some of my friends whom I often find myself complaining to. On this first day I decided to start my experiment, we were starting a new unit in math class. We were going to learn one of my least favorite things we learn in that class. However, I stopped myself from complaining to anyone about it. In doing this, I was able to pay attention in class and actually learn how to solve the problems. Because I was not wasting time thinking about how much I hated this, I was able to find a easier way to complete the task. When people complain, they start to think more negatively about it and it becomes even more difficult to finish. Why waste time complaining when it holds you back from achievement? By not complaining, I was able to see how much more I could get from life.
In everyday life, there are times when we just don't get enough sleep. Whether we are finishing up something at the last minute or we want to watch just one more episode of a TV show, when we don't manage our time well, we don't get enough sleep. We are not getting our day off to a good start. In order to be attentive and energized during the day, I must sleep at least seven hours each night. Since I have to wake up at six in the morning to get to school on time, I will have to sleep by eleven. When people fail to manage their time wisely, they are tired and it hinders them from doing their best. They become as productive as a hibernating bear. This rule was a difficult rule for me to follow because there was always something which I wanted to do instead of going to sleep. However, because of this experiment, I did make myself sleep longer than I normally would have. Although I got more sleep, this did not seem to have much effect on me. I did not feel different or more energized than normal. It might have been because I could not strictly abide by this rule but for me, it did not turn out the way I expected it to. Though I am still skeptical as to if this is true for everyone, I have come to the conclusion that the amount of sleep I get does not greatly effect my performance throughout the day.
One of the main things I'm always struggling to finish is homework. I would pay a million dollars if homework could be optional. Homework is something required of me if I want to learn and do well in a class. When I don't do my homework until the last minute, the quality is usually not very good and I don't get a good grade. Also, when I am rushing, I am not learning as much. When that happens, I am not living life to the highest potential. So, to manage time better, I decided to start my homework as soon as I got home. If I start as soon as possible, I will have the maximum amount of time to work on it. When I set out to follow this, I came across a few obstacles. When I came home, my siblings were watching TV and it was very hard to concentrate on the homework. But, I went to the bookstore and I was able to concentrate on and complete my homework there. It really did not take as long as I thought it would have. I really benefited from this because I no longer had the stress of having to complete something in a short amount of time. Also, I was able to understand the content of what I was doing better.
Along with time management, I wanted to try new things which would help me fulfill my purpose. Clubs are a good way I can be involved in school activities and it will give me something to do. Therefore, I decided to go to clubs I had never gone to before. In helping out with clubs, I could feel a sense of accomplishment. I joined several different clubs in which my friends were a part of and I went to some meetings of other clubs as well. For one of the clubs I joined, it seemed like they had their work all cut out for them and it looked like I could do a lot to help out. But, because of the limited time of this experiment, I was unable to uncover their full effects. I will continue to be active in these clubs to see if my predictions were correct.
From these three days,
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Junior Year
Tomorrow, I will open the doors to the life I want to lead. Having high hopes may not be good. However, I want to try my best. Spend my time to the fullest. Doing what I have to do and More.
Talk in class. Contribute. Raise your hand. The teacher will be able to write a good recommendation for you. This is crucial. In the teachers in junior year. Do all the homework. Don't fall behind and pay attention.
Join clubs. Attend organizations. Meet new people. Find more opportunities. Discover a whole new world that you want to be part of.
Become a whole different person.
Talk in class. Contribute. Raise your hand. The teacher will be able to write a good recommendation for you. This is crucial. In the teachers in junior year. Do all the homework. Don't fall behind and pay attention.
Join clubs. Attend organizations. Meet new people. Find more opportunities. Discover a whole new world that you want to be part of.
Become a whole different person.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Ramblings
So. It's currently 5AM. In exactly 12 hours, I'll be surrounded once again in the ever so complicated place of nothingness. How I dread having to go through those wooden doors and inhale the scents which can only be noticed by the trained. In that place resides a mystery. What is that, you ask? Why it is the unknown. Perhaps it is a someone, rather than a something. Maybe it's a craving. All I can do is try to stay away. But I can't. We exchange eye contact and I quickly look away. This subtleness is driving my mind out of it's proportions. Why can't I just be like the others? The screams from my heart are only muffled by the more powerful. To never be noticed. Ever.
Every one has found their one true match. Almost. The world continues to spin. But mine is at a dead halt. As they all move on, I watch and see. All the memories forgotten through the vortex of time. All the people forgotten. As fate twists lives together, they twist some back apart. Never to speak again. Never to meet again. Never to be remembered.
The sound of crickets fill the air. The sound of freedom lasts so long. But yet, it is to short. The brightness overpowers. Eyes open from their sleep. They move one step forward. As I go one step back. Moving further apart. Never able to catch up. For we are all going separate ways.
Every one has found their one true match. Almost. The world continues to spin. But mine is at a dead halt. As they all move on, I watch and see. All the memories forgotten through the vortex of time. All the people forgotten. As fate twists lives together, they twist some back apart. Never to speak again. Never to meet again. Never to be remembered.
The sound of crickets fill the air. The sound of freedom lasts so long. But yet, it is to short. The brightness overpowers. Eyes open from their sleep. They move one step forward. As I go one step back. Moving further apart. Never able to catch up. For we are all going separate ways.
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